57 is the age you would have been today. But 48 was when your journey in this plane came to end.

What are you thinking, when you look upon me now?

In this intense transformational time of my life, what words of comfort, shock or discipline would you share with me? Or would you be tongue tied?

The years long recovery of a young woman losing her mother is a bizarre and beautiful one. Grief wears many masks, each one with their own unique lessons and powerful teachings. Denial, anger, mourning, distraction, loneliness. Each one has brought with it stepping stones on my path to wholeness.

All Darkness has its teachings, if only you’re willing to embrace them.

A sassy smirk creeps onto my face when I think how far I’ve come. Back then, when I lost you both, I hadn’t acquired the tools to properly process the trauma and move forward in a healthy manner. Yet, I was exactly where I needed to be, experiencing exactly what I needed to.

Now here I am, exactly where I’m supposed to be in this moment. My tool box overflows from years of self work, inward journeying and spirit reconstruction.

Going through what feels like a similar traumatic shift, a death all in its own, I feel far better equipped to deal this time around. The map may be blurry some days, but it’s still in hand navigating me through rough and stormy waters. With a strong grip on the wheel, I throw my arms wide open and let the rain and wind beat down over me.

The storm is cleansing. The fear is exhilarating. The grief is softening. The soul ache is awakening. The heart break merely cracks from expansiveness.

In so many ways, how this chapter began is lending itself to how its ending. Not coming full circle, no, but spiraling upwards and onwards. Revisiting old soul fragments over and over again, until they’re whole again.

I wouldn’t change any of it. The sequence and synchronicities of life is what made me who I am today; where I am today.

I long to lay my head on your bosom one more time, where I can feel like a small girl once again. To hear your voice, your outrageous cackle once again, would be music to my soul.

But you left this Dimension when you were supposed to, just as I will one day, as everyone will. And that’s where I shall keep you, it’s where you belong now.

Just as I survived the death of you, and re-emerged the other side, so shall I thrive through the death of this chapter.

Thank you for teaching me how to.