I knew what I was signing up for; at least I thought I did. I couldn’t imagine the difficulty and darkness to come when I decided to start healing my spirit. Like a wide eyed child seeing Disneyland for the first time, I eagerly stepped onto that path. It was enticing, sparkly, sexy even.
“I could be one of those people!”, I thought. “Someone with their shit together. Someone who has come to a deeper understanding of themselves, a deeper peace. Someone who has done their work and come out alive, and more whole than before. Someone with a profound connection to self and the higher.”
Not that I was entirely wrong. I knew that there would be work. Dirty, dark, gross work. What I wasn’t prepared for was how deep the journey would take me. How it would scrub the dusty layers of my soul till it was raw.
I hadn’t anticipated my emotional strength was about to be torn ligament by ligament, the muscle was being retrained for acceptance rather than endurance.
So many people still choose to walk blindly till their death, never getting acquainted with their higher self, their better being. And then there’s those of us who choose to walk that precarious edge between insanity and enlightenment. Diligently striving for the light that calls to each of us at the end of our path.
“Let yourself heal! Let yourself love! Forgive! Let go! Let your best self be rebirthed!”, it screams. It’s a soft, quiet scream that can only be heard by those willing to listen.
Healing is messy. It’s dirty and hard and confronting. But it seems more and more souls are stepping out to the front lines ready to fight. More and more memes and articles are appearing on my feeds, as I’m sure they are on yours as well. It gives me hope for humanity, but more importantly myself.
We may be alone in our journeys, but we are together on the same path. The path to emotional well being, self acceptance, forgiveness, clarity, balance, and enlightenment.
But is it all just one big ugly mess? An unattractive mash up emotions and dirty little secrets? I believe there is a great deal of beauty in healing. The word itself exhumes power and strength.
Skin as it seals itself and regrows, showing the resilience of the human body.
A tree, overcoming it’s pasts wounds to merely become a stronger and more unique presence in the forest.
The plant prying itself off the ground after being trampled refusing to every stop reaching for the sun.
Imagery with so much power and beauty, with even stronger metaphorical messages.
But this path isn’t for the faint of heart, and I’ve certainly learned that from first hand experience. The path to healing is hard and long. So long in fact, it will simply never be done. There is no finish line, only stops along way where you might find a cup of tea to rest your soul or a bed to reenergize or a fork in the road. Through out our lives we will never stop having new experiences. We will never stop growing or evolving as souls, and there fore there will always be opportunity for healing.
Like an onion, I have slowly been peeling back the layer. Taking time to thoroughly inspect and digest each one. Some consciously and others unwillingly. Some layers are sweet and sugary. Some are sour and a tad bit gritty. While others are so strong and pungent, they will no doubt make you cry.
And I seem to have come across the latter layer. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t fun. It isn’t even overly interesting.
But there is a certain beauty in the darkness. You can’t truly appreciate the majesty of the stars or the magick of the moon without the darkness. Like a candle in the blackness, the self awareness brings warmth and comfort. Being able to stand in the darkness and say, “I see you. I know where you come from, and I embrace you”, removes some of the cold staleness that space brings.
Being flung back into processing of grief ISN’T sexy. But it is prosperous. Through it all, I have gained the ability of introspection. I have seen the fruits of my labour which only pushes me onward. There will be scary days, lonely days; and that, simply, is something everyone can relate to. But I will not turn and go backwards. I for one, intend on staying strong and steady on this tightrope, for I know it’s only an exercise of balance.